usedgrowlights.net - Sales & Service, Ballasts, Bulbs and Hoods


Never Choke in a  Restaurant in the South!
Two hillbillies  walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their  moonshine operation.  Suddenly, a woman  at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a  minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the  hillbillies looks at her and says, 'Kin ya swallar?'   The woman shakes  her head no.  Then he asks, 'Kin  ya breathe?'  The woman begins  to turn blue and shakes her head no.  The hillbilly  walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and  quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.   The woman is so  shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her  mouth.  As she begins to  breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table.   His partner says,  'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver  seed nobody do it!'  


Proof That The World Is Nuts

In Lebanon , men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death.

(Like THAT makes sense.)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Bahrain , a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.

(Do they look different reversed?)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers. The sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times.

(A brick?)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.

(Much worse than 'going blind!')

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time

Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry.

(Let's just think for a minute; is there
any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Hong Kong , a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands.

The husband's illicit lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.

(Ah! Justice!)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool , England   - but only in tropical fish stores.

(aaaahhhh....but of course!)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Cali , Colombia , a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act.

(Makes one shudder at the thought.)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

In Santa Cruz , Bolivia , it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time.

(I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Maryland , it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: Prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises.'

(Is this a great country or what?

Well, not as great as Guam !)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.

(Who volunteers for these tests?)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.

(From drinking little bottles of ???)

(Did our government pay for this research??)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Butterflies taste with their feet.

(Ah, geez.)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

(I know some people like that.)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Starfish don't have brains.

(I know some people like that, too.)

*~*~ *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

And, the best for last?

Turtles can breathe through their butts.

(And I thought I had bad breath in the morning!)

Thank you all for reading this.

If you need to reach me in the future, I will be in Guam !!!!!!

Best Regards,
Doug and Renee White

Tiger Woods and his wife after they made up.


Tiger Woods Christmas Card Photo

Humor photo 1 Balance of Nature
Model Sues Mexican doctor for not making her nipples even after breast surgery
humor photo 2 Racist
humor photo 3, Dynamite in the butt
humor photo 4, hanging from his -----
humor photo 5, Can I ride with daddy
humor photo 6, Are you thinking what I am thinking?
humor photo 7, Help, Say please
humor photo 8, They used to laugh and call him names.
This is how the IRS makes you feel.humor photo 9, Flying Santa
humor photo 10, Santa relieving himself
humor photo 11, You've been really bad.
humor photo 12, they're not up there anymore, Walter
humor photo 13, You son of a b---h
humor photo 14, I'm only going to do this once.
humor photo 15, Clean your F N Chimney
humor photo 16, Last time we stop for Mexican foodhumor photo 17, I'm going to ask you again nicely.humor photo 18, the day the elves won the lottery. humor photo 19, that felt sooo good, whip me harderhumor photo 20, I stopped a bit too quickly and Santa wasn't wearing a seatbelt.humor photo 22, Darn modern architecturehumor photo 23, I'm not selling sex, I'm selling condomshumor photo 24, I assume you don't want a wreath on the front door either.humor photo 25, This job blowshumor photo 26, Did you call my client a Ho?Killer Biscuits wanted for murder


Humor photo 27, I heard the stockings were hung.
humor photo 21, of course they are fake.
Website provided by  Vistaprint
Website
provided by Vistaprint